25+ Questions to Ask An Adoption Agency
If you’re here, I’m going to assume that you are starting the process of adoption and you want to do it in the most compassionate, ethical way possible. An adoption agency isn’t going to tell you on their website they’re unethical. That would be bad business. A website is going to tell you what they want you to know. The questions in this post are the things you should actually find out and verify.
For domestic adoption, agencies are licensed by the state or states that they operate out of, with a few federal laws on top. The ICWA (Indian Child Welfare Act), which gives tribal governments authority over children with Native ancestry, and ASFA (Adoption and Safe Families Act) sets the timing of moving kids out of foster care. This means there’s no one set of legal guidelines for what agencies need to do, which leaves a lot of the work in determining a “good” agency to you as the potential adoptive parents. Knowing how to separate a good agency from a bad one isn’t just going off vibes. It’s in asking them about their practices to these questions. Some agencies will just meet the bare minimum of what is required of them by law. Some will go above and beyond to support everyone involved.
Adoption is inherently trauma for the adoptee. There will always be an imbalance of power between the adoption triad (the adoptee / adopted child, the biological parents, and the adoptive parents) no matter how “ethical” an agency is. What’s important is to find an agency that understands that imbalance and is honest, not one that pretends everything will be ok. This article aims to share the questions you as the adoptive parents should ask to know the difference.
I highly suggest talking to multiple agencies and tracking the answers of each agency that you talk to. It’s hard to keep track of everything when you’re in the beginning planning stages so writing everything down will help! Download our free workbook to keep track of potential agencies as you go about your search.
The first thing I’d highly recommend you do when looking for the right domestic adoption agency is to search for ones in your areas that have good reviews and accept the kinds of families that you’re comfortable with. For example, it was important to my husband and I that an agency be inclusive to all kinds of potential adoptive parents and free from any religious affiliation or requirements. Establish your own set of ideal criteria before you start the search.
Then, reach out to each agency and ask them the following questions.
Questions to Ask About Expectant Parents:
How an agency finds, talks about, and cares for expectant parents tells you if you’re building your family with ethics and integrity.
Where do their expectant moms come from geographically? Are they local?
How do they find expectant moms? Do they take out social media ads targeting certain women?
Listen to the language they use when talking about expectant moms who decide not to parent. Is it compassionate?
Do they present multiple paths for expectant parents or do they only discuss adoption?
What kind of mental health support do expectant parents receive before and after placement? Is the support offered for both mom & dad?
What support do they offer beyond counseling for expectant parents before and after placement?
How do they refer to biological fathers? Are they an accepted and welcomed part of the triad or are they viewed more as a nuisance?
What legal support do they offer for expectant parents? Is the lawyer independent from the agency? Is their pay the same regardless of the final outcome?
Where do expectant moms live during their pregnancy? Are they moved into the area and living in a house that the agency owns or are they on their own?
How does the agency handle the revocation period (the time in which a birth parent can legally change their mind about the adoption)?
How do expectant moms receive money? Is it paid in one lump sum or do they submit for expenses?
What does the money cover?
How many expectant moms do they work with in a year?
Do they ever turn away expectant moms?
What percentage of their placements have been finalized? How many placements fell through in the last year and can they say why they fell through?
About the Agency:
Are they a for profit or non-profit agency?
Are they licensed by their state?
How long have they been in business?
How many staff members do they have and what do these staff members do? There should be someone who is working with and supporting biological families.
Do they work with and actively welcome families of all types (single parents, LGBTQ+, across races and religions)?
How long is the average wait time for families?
What support do they offer to you as an adoptive parent before, during, and after placement? Do they have a support group of other parents or a way to meet others?
Can you speak to past adoptive families? Even better, can you speak to a past adoptive family WITHOUT someone from the agency in on the call to make sure everything goes well?
How do they talk about adoption in general? Do they acknowledge and are they upfront with you that adoption is trauma?
What does their waiting system look like? Do they have a line system that is “first come first serve” that you must wait in or do they work to find the best potential match across every waiting family no matter what a family’s wait time has been?
How many times can you reject a potential match? Some agencies will penalize you if you say no to potential matches too many times. Will you be pressured to accept a match, even if it might not be the best fit for you or the child?
How are potential matches handled? How are potential adoptive family profiles shared with birth families?
Do they encourage fully open adoptions between all parties? Do they provide support for all parties in navigating the relationship at least initially?
What is the up front financial costs? Watch for any agencies that require large up front costs. Most of your financial obligation should be after you are matched.
What financial protections do they offer to you? If a match fails for any reason, can your funds be refunded or put towards a different match?
What does the hospital experience look like with them? Do they share that the hospital time is not for the adoptive family? Will a member of their team be there to support you and the biological family?
There’s not a single, perfect, “right” answer to these questions and no single answer should end the conversation. But there are a few red flags to watch for:
No one should guarantee anything. There should be no promises of a placement, a timeline, or a guarantee that everything will work out.
You shouldn’t feel pressure to sign with an agency quickly, take a match quickly, or pay large amounts of money upfront.
An agency that won’t connect with you past families it has served. They should be proud to stand by their work.
It’s important to ask these questions and work with an agency with high standards because the decision of who you use will change and shape not only your life, but also your child’s life. The way an agency treats their biological families matters. It will impact how your child thinks about their story. It’s a lot easier to ask these questions in advance. You’ll know the agencies that see you as family to support or the ones who see you as a transaction to close. Take your time and ask the questions.